Separation loss for dads is getting help

{note - please, this is not a complaint about "women" in general, as it may be viewed by some to be that - K]


I heard today that a dad who was kept from his kids by their mother is getting legal help.
She is being ordered to let him see the kids.She is being fined for the support he gave her while breaking the arrangements for visits, shared custody. The kids are adults now, and they have started to visist Dad on their own initiative - they allways wanted to see more of him.

This problem of "forced-to-be-an-absent-dad" is much more common that we might think. Others here at Cure Zone have talked to me about it. Their Ex-wives were real stubborn about arranging visits, etc. Mine too... even when its not an acutal kidnapping, its bad enough. She would just say "they are staying at a freinds house", "they are too busy", "they cant come to the phone"... and never ever saying this:"I'll make sure they are available next Tuesday for an hour"...

Absent dads are often misread. We can't just barge in and demand to see them, that just creates tension and harship. We know this because we are loving and caring dads. We are even careful to not say negative things about mom to the kids, despite wanting to explain why we are not around much.

It rips our hearts out to see our children being raised in a manner we do not approve of, or to see them being taught things we dont agree with, not even knowing Dad's side of issues. They grow up talking like mom and having her opinions and worldviews.

We just want to have a share of the influence on kids that mom has, because we love them. Nobody wants programmed kids, but their immediate contacts with adults leaves a big impression.

In matters of health, for eg., Dad wants their ADHD problems to be dealt with by diet and so on, not with Ritalin. Sure, if we were there and had to put up with the behaviours we might change our minds, but the thing is - we never got a chance. And now they are on Ritilin, we watch them eating the junk food and Sugar we KNOW is wrong... but to say anything just brings up arguements, she won't back down or even talk reasonably about it - just how do we feel then? And now that they are adults with ulcers, we still hae no way to say "its the diet" without bringing up the old problem again {"oh, you are just mad at mom - I know what to eat"]

Of course, its visa-versa for moms that were kicked out by their husbands and finding that they get precious little time with their kids. But less common due to Moms getting custody in -what, about 80% of separations?


Signed,
Dad
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