Financial Dark Night of the Soul
my morning nutter about money... it's EPIC
Date: 7/17/2018 6:58:01 AM ( 4 y ) ... viewed 1089 times
I am in a financial dark night of the soul...a place where I see how I am controlled by money and banks.
For the first time in a while, I am facing overdraft charges which I hate LOL
The looming prospects of owing money has infiltrated my morning routine. I also realize I'm still in a matrix sort of...as to why should I get depressed, be sad, and have my mind manipulated because of a number on a screen. Oddly enough, this is why I'm slowly ditching things like my fitbit account. I don't care about other people's steps LOL and ever since I read about people cheating, I don't care.
Coming off of a night shift this weekend, and having stomach trouble, lingering issues has me feeling down. Yesterday, I had the fleeting though that I could end all my money problems and stop working when I picked up my husband's gun to look for something. I'm not suicidal, nor homicidal. Just deranged thinking from working night shift 12hrs two days in a row. Being a powerful superbeing that I really am on the inside, I was able to know that ridiculous thought for what it was...remnants of my resentmets and longings to be taken care of.
Thinking on it now, I realize how illogical the idea was, that I would kill myself over money...such a paltry sum... yet it happens. It is sobering to think about now that I put it to the blog... I didn't even journal what I'm writing here. I figure someone else is feeling financially desperate enough and won't feel lonely.
Hence, first thing I did was get a grip. I looked out the window and saw two HUGE ravens playing together in the grass. That's a sure sign that God is watching LOL...
Going to have my coconut oil and coffee and go for a workout before the thunderstorm hits.
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